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lady in tinfoil hat

“In short, spn_gossip's beef is that they are shitting their pants bugfuck and share more mass hallucinations than the tent with the brown acid at Woodstock.” — Oct. 27, 2014

“I'm pretty sure there are totalitarian regimes that invest less in propaganda than goss' version of the CW PR department.”— Jan. 31, 2015

“The salt and denial is its own little ocean. I feel like reasonable comments have to be rare seashells and seaglass, while the screaming frothing madness laps against the fertile sands of imagination.”— Sep. 27, 2015

One stalwart nonny has for years been diving into the fetid recesses of spn_gossip to bring back the craziest, nastiest, creepiest, and most unintentionally hilarious bits to FFA.

“Gossers,” as they are known, are tinhats who believe that Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are deeply in wuv with one another and that their wives are simply “beards” hired to deflect public attention from that incredibly trufact. They also believe that Misha Collins, and more lately Stephen Amell, are “meards” male beards feigning gay relationships with “the Js” to distract the public from the gay relationship between the Js. There was even one Gosser who memorably claimed that Jensen’s dog, Icarus, was a “deard.”

The Gossers know these things from their deep learnings:

I think what you have to understand is that some of us have been here for years. We've been watching the Js for longer. Every single little piece of information about them that leaks into the public domain - and even some pieces that don't - are examined, catalogued, assessed, remembered. Many anons here have skills that they use in their day-jobs that help them assess the information they have; many others have experiences that may have direct relevance to what we're seeing. In short, we have an aggregate of information, built up over a decade, that has been talked over, back and forth, and not just on this comm, but in private exchanges too. That doesn't mean we know an absolute truth, of course - only the Js know that - but if we seem sure of ourselves, and disinclined to tolerate another iteration of the same arguments against J2 being gay and together, it's because we've heard it all before, and dismissed it because it doesn't fit the whole that that aggregate builds.

Unsurprisingly, Goss gets nastily misogynist when it talks about the actors' wives. They also really hate Misha Collins, and they're none too fond of Stephen Amell, either.

Here is a modest sampling of the wit and wisdom of Goss, with the best parts bolded:

That ain't workin',
That's the way you do it,
Drive the Impala on the WB.
No, that ain't workin',
That's the way you do it,
Queerbaiting for money and dicks for free.

  • There is no way that you can know what is **a normal level of bearding.** None. Every situation is different and the need for the beard in business and personal life is different for every situation. There is no such thing as 'normal level' of bearding.”
  • It was just a joke. Monsters hide in closets. The Js are in the closet. Sam and Dean hunt monsters. I didn't mean to imply closeted gays should be hunted, or that they are supernatural creatures.”
  • It's like [Misha]'s some sort of sadistic cult leader. At the same time, it seems like he uses his cult following as a way to leverage his position on the show, almost as if he's trying to shove the J's noses in the fact that he has such a huge following without really needing to work for it and that's a jerkoff thing to do.
  • One Gosser's reaction on learning that Misha would appear in the 200th episode of SPN:

“Misha, Misha,
Your world is the drainpipe

Misha, Misha,
Because down there, you’re at home
Endless sewers
Green vomit and sulfur smell
Misha, Misha
You need them to be happy”

  • **Jensen's cock has been getting more than enough love recently.** Jared needs to let it rest for a while now. Poor thing isn't the Energizer bunny“ … “The Js' friendship is PR just like Jensen blowing Jared until he can't see straight is. Or Jared laying him out on the pool table is. Or wrapping around him in the pool in hundred degree weather is.” … “Probably a Jared hating imdb-er that faps to fantasies of Jensen drinking Meesha's wrinkly old ball juice.”
  • Jensen should worry about the sling less and make sure he eats something other than dick. Cock ain't a food group.
  • Why do [bisexuals] have to be represented? What about red heads with freckles, what about people with a giant mole on their faces. Why can't they be represented?“
  • **Didn't Jensen also buy him chocolate gas-x** and he didn't take it because he doesn't like chocolate or something? I always thought that was couply. Like 'baby, I got you something so we both don't have to deal with the gas.'“
  • Jared can just have random parties to invite strangers over to show them how heterosexual he is so that they can then talk about him and his wife on twitter.“
  • Jared only gets hard with Jensen. He gets good and hard with Jensen. Jared wilts whenever he's near Gen…Oh, and Jared always looks miserable with Gen. Sick and miserable. He's with Jensen, but something died in Jared when he 'got together' with snobby, pretentious Gen. I might add that Occam's razor is increasing my dislike for Gen.” … “Every time Jared makes grammar mistakes, a penis goes limp. Jensen's.
  • A brother whom you can stick your dick in. Talk about having your cake an eating it too. After having nice normal family time, you can walk over to your brother's house and fuck.
  • This was a horrible con. Let's make a list of what went wrong this time: …Lack of gay gooeyness.” … “Jensen's butt is like chicken soup for Jared's cock.
  • No one should have to kiss Misha. I'm off to find Amnesty.” … “Misha would come in his plants before Jensen touched him he's been wishing it for so long.”
  • Jared goes to a Pearl Jam concert. “Let's hope Jared doesn't get drunk since PJ makes him toppy.
  • In response to Misha telling con-goers about pranking Jared by sending him a glass dildo: “Jared has his own toys, he doesn't need Misha's. If they're smart, they won't stick anything Misha gives them in their bodies.”
  • Regarding Jensen's predilections: “I don't know where I read it from maybe it was tumblr but I don't trust the source. It said he bottom.” Another Gosser: “So, I shouldn't comment about all the time Jensen spends on Jared's balls alone?
  • everybody knows Misha is going to be chronically jobless as soon as SPN is over” … “destiel shippers they're a breed of over entitled ingrates that have probably been inbred who knows.” … “Sit on your fingers and wiggle around over the thought of Clif's gigantic, sweaty ass crack as much as you need to, Moo, but there's really no reason to keep soiling threads with even more of your wankish bullshit.”
  • I miss those days where Jared didn't give a fuck and would grope Jensen's ass and/or junk in public” … “Jared's not family? Just a warm ass he sticks his dick in once in awhile?” … “It's a little insulting to reduce them to ball warmers for each other.” … “If it comes from FFA, you can bet it's a minion. That place is infested with raging, hateful minions. They bash Jared often.”
  • Jensen sure as fuck wasn't thinking about how closeted he is when he implied he gets to sleep with a star or when he rubbed his crotch right up against Jared's ass while he was bent over and Jared sure as fuck wasn't thinking about how closeted he is when he talked about needing vaseline to get into 'tight situations' (and getting that reaction from Jensen) or when he talks about Jensen's feet and the little thing he has for them or when Jensen tortures him so slowly but he loves every minute of it anyway and says thanks for last night, I needed it or I swear you're going to kill me one day if this stamina keeps up or you owe me a lamp.
  • Well [Amell] is gay and **slobbers all over Jared**, so I guess he puts on a brown wig when they're fucking or Jared won't be able to get it up.” … “The worst offenders (and I have suspected for quite some time now) are those from the secret numbers comm. They're easy to spot because of their superior attitude. Their word is Hat Law.” … “LOL Jensen could be bound, gagged and beaten and he still would never agree to fuck Misha.” … “Misha is not the third brother but more like the infected appendage.
  • And of course you would reduce a ten year relationship down to Jared's golden dick.” … “Jensen is biased. He looks at Jared like the sun rises and sets in his scrotum and he thinks Jared can do no wrong.”
  • I can't see D and G even having a conversation. Like what would they have to say to each other? Gen be like 'look at my new vegan fair trade cruelty free organic douche hemp kilt.' D be like 'oh does it come with rhinestones?'“ … “They may be afraid that if the Js don't have at least two vaginas and a couple kids between one and the other, they may have an accident and fall into each others dicks mouth first.” … “I really want Jared to get a good dicking by a big hot black man. Maybe Idris Elba.” Also deep thoughts on how brilliant Jared is.
  • I don't think mearding is something they WANT to do, but he's been going along with it in the past.” … “I did not need to see that double mearding bullshit.” … “He's probably going to stay with his neanderthal threehead lisping princess for life” … “YOU are too much of a dumb ass to exist and are essentially an oxygen thief, if you actually believe the shit you spewed about Jensen. Jared is the single most important thing in the world to him. And this is not an opinion.
  • “”[Misha's] an attention whore. He's loving this. And he doesn't even like his minions so you just know he's gonna be jerking off to this award, knowing that he pulled the ultimate Jim Jones move on them.“ … “the J's real relationship is not just the elephant in the room, it's also rainbow colored and trumpeting loudly.”
  • "Misha can go eat Jared's dick" …. “I'll have to remember this the next time Jared misses Jensen and talks about Jensen's should-be-award-winning-blow job skills” …. “Jared would lose his dick if it wasn't attached and Jensen didn't constantly have his hand on it.”
  • **"Seriously, sometimes they seem fucking obsessed with proving us wrong."** … “Dean's not bisexual, he's Samsexual, which is cutesy way of saying Sam is the only guy he's interested in.” … “…if all Dean wants is Sam's ass, you know, something that both men and women have? If Dean wants that BY DEFINITION, he's not bisexual, just wants to show physical expression to the soul he loves.”
  • You pick this man's nose hairs out and wipe his sweat, but don't want to hug him?” …”Wife and husband can both buy each other gifts, but since this husband is gay and with a man, he's just being a lying liar who lies about who really gave him those gifts.“ …”Only he's allowed to get offended, right? when we're the ones who make it so he can pay his wife and have all that money to charter that jet so he can sneak off and suck dick?“
  • "Just **the normal pre-con J/G bearding**." … “Jared barely mentioning his unpleasant beard is eating at you, isn't it? Not seeing Gen's unappealing face in Houston is a bitter disappointment, isn't it? The Js not giving a fuck about the gold diggers they stupidly hitched themselves to is tearing you up, isn't it?” … “Pretty sure Jensen probably bottoms during filming lol” Plus bonus misogyny toward Suzanne Gomez, who does CW PR.
  • Jared looked terrified in his fake wedding, I felt sad for him, truly, for them if I can be honest, Jensen don't look very happy either. Even if I think those weddings were a deal between the Js.“ … “if Gen realizes she really wants a kid but is now stuck bearding and gets pregnant - what is he going to do? Dump yet another beard in such a short time? She is a network sanctioned one at that and Jensen is already married and stuck with his. You're talking about a man who rescues dogs, why not 'rescue' a kid and beard? Except when he rescue a dog, the dog won't wait till he turn his back to bit him, but rescuing the disloyal beard means giving her the power to do whatever she wants again, he had no guarantee what she can do later when she wants something again, if she got her way the first time, what can hold her back after that?”
  • “Is it because Mr. Collins hasn't had as much meard time lately that he gets to cash in on his barnacle tendencies?” … “I've seen it insinuated heavily that it's Jensen's girth more than his length that can be *ahem* an issue. No seems to want to come out and say it, but I've heard the phrase beer-can dick kicked around.” … “idk man, 7 inches around (approximate, of course) doesn't sound like fun to me. But as long as Jared's happy!” … “which is why I implied the other day that Jared might top more during filming when his inability to move comfortably might be more noticeable” … “In that case perhaps both Js should refrain from indulging in anal activity during filming. After all, the show is suffering as it is and the Js limping and wincing in pain certainly won't improve it.” … “you missed that my comment was perfectly balanced because you are wounded that I'm not worshiping at the alter of a mythical cock.” … “I will defend each cock with gusto because both boys are extremely well-hung in my opinion.
  • You gotta admit it's funny that Jensen knows when Jared needs candy and a blowjob/cuddle.
  • Should Jared kick Jense in the nuts for all the Misha/Cockless baiting? Or it doesn't work both ways?” … “I really want Jared to take a dick any dick. If it's Amell so be it. Because it's hot to picture him getting fuck by a man, not because I'm ~jealous of Cockles or whatever anons were accusing of anyone who ships Jared with anyone else but Jensen.” … “Good point! But even if he gets a shiton of Amell's cock from both ends, you won't get to see it. You won't even get to see him admit he does.” … “The Js just so happen to interact with their most common meards on the SAME day of course. ;-)Man, I guess their ‘cycles’ are still synched up. hahaha”
  • It was totally necessary to bend Jared over so much his hands were touching the ground. and Jensen in the corner shielding his face with his hands looking embarrassed, was all because Misha was just innocently writing on Jared his back. idiots.“ … “Misha was just a tool, but he was a gross tool the whole weekend. This is Misha in Aus 'FUCK' thats all he is about, he talks about his dick, his wifes vagina and just generally treats the aussie audiences like pains in the arses and people he doesn't respect. He just thinks he's better than people” … “I think having Gen on the same property would go against one of the main goals of the Js” … “I think they're living together, and each beard is living somewhere else.” … “the beards probably think that THEY deserve a nice place to live as well, regardless of how much cash they're being given. After all, they've basically put their own lives on hold for this, unlike the Js.” … “The beards are not real wives in any sense of the word. They don't need to be catered to as if they deserve the exact same stand of living as the Js.” … “Marriage is a public statement. That's the whole point of it. It's a public, legal act with significance to the community. It is emphatically not “private”. It is the opposite of private. They made it everyone else's business the day they married those women. If they are subsequently found to have lied about the nature of their public declaration about their wives, then they should expect to bear the consequences, including contempt for their deceit and hypocrisy.” … “I wish someone would out them. Sorry. I can't stand their cowardice or their hypocrisy. I hope the whole dishonest, ingenuine, craven house of cards blows up in their faces. Weak, weak men.” … “Here's an idea, you fucking cuntish het troll - YOU butt out of a hat comm where we believe the Js are gay and FUCKING EACH OTHER, and, MORE IMPORTANTLY, go find one of the millions of het sites and get a life OF YOUR OWN. You fucking pathetic fuckwit. We OWE YOU nothing and we can FUCKING discuss whatever we fucking like - and if we want to discuss the Js fucking each other - well, FUCK YOU.
  • Hats are without a doubt being **provoked** into calling someone a cunt.
  • “**Misha is a huge disgusting dick.**" … “Misha fans are disgusting perverted turds.
  • “I don't think Jensen would go to church just for bearding. A lot of churches have easter egg hunts on Easter Sunday, for example.” … “I'm sure Jensen appreciates the length of Jared's tongue more than anyone else” … “what a pretty tongue Jared has, so full and luscious. No wonder Jensen loves sucking on it so much.”
  • You know what I'm about to call Icarus [Jensen's dog] and that is a deard. Yes, a deard, lol.“
  • “How about announcing your divorce from your repulsive beard instead? Now, THAT is news I would find interesting!” … “all signs point towards a long-term bearding plan.” … “it's super low of to use a recent death of Jensen's friend to fuel their het agenda.”
  • "Gen's pregnancy was super shady btw, **I don't think she even carried those kids**."…“Jared's features are more feline or elvin with the fine bone structure and cat eyes and the naturally long lean body. I don't see lumberjack except for the way he dresses. I'd compare Jared to Angelina with the light eyes/dark hair exotic look and Jensen to Brad with the classic all American looks.”
  • “When Jared's really drunk he's all over Jensen and is like why aren't you in me yet? And pees on stuff, so that wasn't really drunk. … if Jensen sees the kids as proof that a man has had sex with a woman, it proves all the kids are bearding tools for him. … Those kids are neon sign reminders that the Js both fucked their wives, Jared especially like a fucking bunny since he had two in record time, which is why some people get so crazy over them sharing kid pictures. Because to them it's like the Js going, ‘See, I fucked a woman and knocked her up. This is my het credentials.’”
  • “I’m sick of hearing about the wives and the boring kids. But I guess some people have so little in their lives to make them happy that they fixate on someone else's wives and kids.” … “I don't think this place is monitored 24/7 - however, this place IS read by PR (or whoever) and I'm sure the Js themselves drop in now and again. And yes, certain coincidental happenings after certain comments/discussions that take place are way too coincidental that it can just be written off as coincidences.”
  • SPN is sacred and he's like an unwanted pus-filled boil disgracing the beauty J2 have created.”
  • "**I don't believe for a hot minute that Jared's bearding leaves Jensen unmoved**." […] “The dog was used as a deard - another darn deard, just like Icarus has been used.”
  • “You didn't actually think he was going to take a longer break from bearding, did you.” […] “I doubt her presence here is any good if only for his het cred and bearding quota and her own Kardashian complex.” […] “I bet Scott Patterson wonders why Jared doesn't have a hot wife. Like it or not, it doesn't do Jared any favors in Hollywood” […] “This wipes away the unpleasantness of Gen's presence right away, like a magic spell.”
  • “What is Amell? The **King of Canada** or something?” […] “Maybe you're just naive I don't know, but you seem very offended by the idea that this is PR. Maybe you're Amell, I'm pretty sure he's paid us a visit a few times.”
  • Bearding is bearding. No matter what amount he does he is still lying about the true love of his life and so is Jensen. There is no such thing as OTT bearding. OTT bearding is a fandom construct. You consider any bearding Jared does as OTT because you feel you know the truth about his real life. But the problem is YOU don't know what pressures and issues both Jared and Jensen are dealing with, so you don't know, not really, whether he should stop bearding or not.”
  • We get it Jared, you have been cured by your beautiful bride and her 'magical' pussy. NOT.” […] “There is absolutely no need why both Js couldn't beard in Jensen's style.” […] “The only bits I've filled in myself is that J2 fought and Jared fucked a twink and even then those bits are filled in based on the evidence we do have rather than just pulled out of my ass.”
  • "I think it's a crying shame that the gay lobby have tried to take over Jared's charity and are now actually excluding other depressed people.“ … “You think the Js LIKE living in the closet? Lying to everyone?? No, of course they don't.” … “Maybe LGBTQXYZwhatever people should stop expecting the world to revolve around them.”
  • "The fandom that is so clueless, they have absolutely no clue that their overlord is a paid meard.”
  • "Misha is a crappy actor who looked like he was taking a dump and then flopped around the floor, twice! And that growl when he attacked the woman, was it supposed to be a dog growl??? Because he sounded more like a pig grunting for truffles.“ … “Jared has toned [h]is bearding to the bare minimum while Jensen has roared his back to life and I'd rather have J/G than the ugly fucking troll faced old man with Jensen.”
  • “And here Misha is inserting himself into ‘the boys.’” In which MC is also called “misha, constipation Collins,” “the creepy cretin Misha,” and “the lying cunt named misha.” Two Gossers have an exchange: “JFC - dial it back a notch. You sound unhinged.” - “go fuck yourself with a cactus. And learn to fucking read, you turnip.”
  • "This is totally hinky. Somebody must have contacted the mods and told them that picture was “too gay” and TBTP wouldn't like it, IMO.” … “Hey Jared -You LIE on social media about your warrior woman WIFE. YOU LIE, LIE, LIE. So you might want to take a step back and a deep breath, and realize that not every one is as perfect as you are - living the HETEROSEXUAL ~perfect life.” … “Jensen has more chemistry with the semen that comes out of Jared than he does with Misha.”
  • "Since he presents himself as married to Gen when in Austin, she and the boys usually go to things like this with him. He and Jensen are not common knowledge in Austin.“ … “perhaps for the J's, the terms husband/wife are used interchangeably depending on who they are talking to and what they are talking about. As in, “wife” is used when “husband” can not be.” … “You should know by now that Jared always shoots his load early. ;)
  • "Jared's problem/gift is more that he doesn't do things halfway - he goes for anything whole hog - which includes bearding. He really doesn't seem to be able to compartmentalize things at all.” … “'In the doghouse' equals Jared gets fucked harder. Not even kidding. Jared sometimes does it deliberately.” … “You can't have it both ways. Either Jared's OTT bearding is because he's desperate for no one to ever find out the truth about him and Jensen for the sake of his career, or he's just attention seeking coz he doesn't care and goes around talking about all the ways he likes to fuck Jensen and how hard. Which is it?”
  • "Man, **Amell is getting into Misha territory** with the desperation and self promotion. Oh well that's what happens when you're average looking and of even less talent.“ … “If Stephen was telling Jared what Jared should do while Jared was kissing another man (Jensen), that would mean that Stephen would be attempting to take control of the situation. He would be trying to make it about himself and Jared and trying to turn Jensen into a mere stand-in in the scenario.”
  • "Man, the Js are in a fucked up situation. They're married but not to each other, and have children but not with each other, yet they are together, not to mention Jensen and Gen not liking each other and Jared and Gen having a toxic relationship with the pressure of the forced OTT bearding, and Jared's mental issues is a disaster for three, innocent babies.”
  • "Jared and Jensen are the ones going after the gold stars. Negotiating some pricey “freedom” for themselves with all this, or at least less tight of a leash. Maybe those matching tattoos we've heard about are the CW logos stamped on their asses. Do you still brand cattle?
  • "Then there's the Misha sandbox that Jensen is suddenly playing in and is just ugh." … “Why must it not be known that Gen is a money grubbing bitch when I think everyone can see that with her little fashion blog and they got that Earth Mother of the year shit out there, so why protect her but throw Jared and his “ego” under the bus?” … A doubt is raised: “But maybe she isn't doing any of these things. But I wish people here would keep in mind that these are all rumours at this point.” And rebutted: “I wish people here would understand something. For some of you is just a rumor. For others, it's NOT.”
  • Trashy romance novels? What are you doing on a J2 hat comm where they are constantly referred to as soulmates and the love of each other's lives, that they look at each with heart eyes and like the other hung the moon? Oh but now suddenly talking about them being saps is corny because it gets in the way of some of you getting your rocks off at the thought of Jensen and JDM boning.“
  • "But would Jensen call Jared "brother" in real life in that intimate kind of situation?"…“I really don't think it's a big deal for them. It's obvious how they see Sam and Dean's relationship and that it has sexual components and they have no issues with that.” … Poster says J2 had a wedding. “Commitment ceremony in 09, Jensen proposed…
  • "Not only do these closeted actors get better at lying over the years and hiding their ways, now we've got Mgmnt teams putting the stops to Facebook search apps so that “accidental sightings” can't be found anymore and they're leaning on gossip sites like Just Jared to require registration to cut down on ITK's who will squeal and chirp. They're having their celebrities get on Instagram so they can manipulate their own pictures and tell their story on their own terms. They're leaning on people like Perez Hilton and Ted Casablanca and Ace to tow the line or they'll take care of your career for you. It's a challenge anymore to poke the holes. But it can still be done.”
  • "You don't know Jared, you don't know Jensen, and you don't know their relationship. So please go away with your fantasies of Jared being neglectful of Jensen and the latter being stuck at home looking after the kids.“ … “If I was Jensen I would be happy spending all day doing nothing but relaxing and being pampered all day long while my SO went out and had his fun.. knowing what I got later that night makes it all good ;)
  • "Probably to shake up the narrative once again. They read here…and elsewhere…and they are very aware of the bearding arguments and wank over what seems genuine and what doesn't. Simply put…it is just a different approach they are trying.”
  • "Get over it, J2 are gay, the wives are beards, and you'll NEVER have a chance with either of them!“ … “gay guys have always fancied Jensen more than Jared, and Jensen is now over 35 and therefore invisible to them.” … “A lot of people DO blab. The Js blab themselves. There's just enough people out there like you that it doesn't matter what they say or do.”
  • I did not like the assertion, as if that anon was privy to all the Js activities, that the Js only beard on Sundays.“ … “I find it crazy that our side of fandom is acting like he just endorsed destiel when we're not the crazy ones. Just file it away as yet another insane destiel reaction - like the cake and the bisexual shirts

One Goss thread was impressively derailed with J2 + Misha porn:

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Jensen asked.

Misha pooped up out of the ball pit like a horny ground hog. “Of course, sweetling. It was either this or a kiddy pool full of butterscotch pudding.”

“I would have preferred the pudding.” With that he stripped of his clothes and jumped in.

And then they did the sexing. Misha driving into Jared's gossamer asshole like it was a nascar track, brightly colored balls flying everywhere. And not just the plastic ones.

“Oh, yes! Harder, harder!” Jared squealed in delight, twisting Misha's nipples like radio dials.

“What the fuck are you motherfuckers doing!” It was…………….. Dumbeldore!

Wait. Wrong story.

It was…………………….. Jensen!

And Dumbledore. Together!

goss.txt · Last modified: 2021/08/28 18:54 (external edit)