Asexual Tony Stark Wank produced this adorable ficlet:

“I could smite them for you,” Loki offered, brushing his hand through Tony's hair. His boyfriend was curled up on the sofa with his head in Loki's lap, seeking comfort after a day of humiliation. Tony had asked the reporter not to include anything about his relationships in his article, but the man had not only printed that Tony had accepted that he was asexual but also tracked down several of his former lovers for their comments.

Steve had been the first to take Tony aside and explain about the wonders of Viagra, and Tony mentally cursed whoever'd introduced Steve to GMail but not Google. By the end of the day, the jokes and the well-meaning concern about everything ranging from erectile dysfunction to his prostate health (Natasha had offered to check; she'd said she had tools) had left Tony a raw ball of nerves.

Returning to the chic penthouse getaway that he shared with Loki had been a relief. At least here Tony only had to worry about diverting Loki's energy from increasingly complex revenge fantasies into the kind of domestic comfort he craved: a hot bath, a foot massage, and now some quiet couple-time on the sofa.

“Do you ever wish,” Tony asked, too wound-up to be circumspect, “that we had a more… physical relationship?”

Loki pursed his lips. “My thirst for passion is insatiable – no single human could satisfy me. That said, your mortal lives are so short, waiting a few of Earth years for you to die will hardly inconvenience me.” He shrugged. “Your hair is soft, and you're warm to hold, and I have plenty of time to pursue world domination while you sleep.”

Tony grinned. “Here I thought you did the NYT crossword puzzle in your free time.”

“When I conquer this planet, I may choose to be merciful to you,” Loki said, a line of thought creasing between his eyes.

Tony pushed himself up to wrap his arms around Loki's shoulders and give him a gentle kiss. “You say the sweetest things.”