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apple-wank

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Apple Wank

Red Delicious Apple with a worm in it

June 5, 2014: Sunnymodffa posts a reminder that fatwank and diet talk are banned, though food talk in general is not, and provides an example:

Bad: I am having a honey crisp apple for lunch. Only x calories and so filling. Best thing available for x weightloss.

Ok: meme should I have a honey crisp or a green apple? Captain america would have green but the biggest monster from Ankara would have red.

One nonny suggested choosing a Red Delicious apple. Another replied, “Red Delicious is only someone's favorite if they have literally never had another kind of apple in their life.” The ATRT retorted, “You must be joking. It's the crunchiest, tastiest apple ever. Golden and green apples suck.” And then followed a hundred-plus comments of organically raised apple wank.

//Only on meme could a fatwank clarification turn into actual apple wank. It is wonderful.//

On Mar. 12, 2015, a nonny praised Randall Munroe, the creator of XKCD, for saying in his book What If?: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions that “apples are better [than oranges]”, with a footnote adding, “Except Red Delicious apples, whose misleading name is a travesty” (97). They asked whether Munroe might have been inspired by FFA, but our Apple Wank happened way too late to have influenced his book.

And on Feb. 16, 2018, nonnies were delighted by Rowan Jacobsen's takedown of this apple: “It has a zombie taste, and a zombie future.”

apple-wank.txt · Last modified: 2021/08/31 13:50 by RedDeliciousApples