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officer-dumb-slut

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officer-dumb-slut [2021/09/03 01:11]
RedDeliciousApples fixed italics 		officer-dumb-slut [2021/09/06 20:18] (current)
RedDeliciousApples
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 ====== Officer Dumb Slut ====== ====== Officer Dumb Slut ======
  
-{{ :ods.jpg?250|Officer Dumb Slut}}"Every precinct needs the Loose Canon, the Bright-Eyed Rookie, the Cop on the Edge with Nothing Left to Lose, and the Dumb Slut."+{{ :ods.jpg?250|NSFW photo of man wearing nothing but open shirt, black gloves police badge on a lanyard, and mirrorshades, with a dildo aimed at his asshole}}"Every precinct needs the Loose Canon, the Bright-Eyed Rookie, the Cop on the Edge with Nothing Left to Lose, and the Dumb Slut."
 — [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293070469#cmt2293070469|Nonny]] — [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293070469#cmt2293070469|Nonny]]
  
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 > Up his bum!]] > Up his bum!]]
  
-Nope! By leaving it behind at the apartment of some hookup. [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293729157#cmt2293729157|Who had to remind Scott //twice// that he was sucking off a loaded gun.]]+Nope! By leaving it behind at the apartment of some hookup. [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293729157#cmt2293729157|Who had to remind Scott *twice* that he was sucking off a loaded gun.]]
  
 > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293065861#cmt2293065861|He has to get his gun back.]] He has to get his gun back right now! But how? He can’t just go up to the idiot’s apartment, bang on his door and demand his gun back. The guy probably wouldn’t even open the door. > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293065861#cmt2293065861|He has to get his gun back.]] He has to get his gun back right now! But how? He can’t just go up to the idiot’s apartment, bang on his door and demand his gun back. The guy probably wouldn’t even open the door.
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 > His stomach twists and he’s sweating. He has to report this. In fact, he should have started filling out the paperwork five minutes ago, instead of sitting here panicking. But paperwork means having to admit what a stupid slut he is and it’ll cost him his job. > His stomach twists and he’s sweating. He has to report this. In fact, he should have started filling out the paperwork five minutes ago, instead of sitting here panicking. But paperwork means having to admit what a stupid slut he is and it’ll cost him his job.
  
-"[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293841285#cmt2293841285|I really want a fic from the third guy (I'll call him Charlie)]] reeling from the worst one night stand in his life. First this cop comes to fuck and he brings a //loaded gun,// then he just wanders off after sucking on his fingers like a creep, then this entirely new weirdo comes to assault him for not gently putting the gun back in Scott's pocket or something. Maybe Charlie called! Maybe he called multiple times, but the only time Scott ever picked up, Charlie made the mistake of going, 'hey what the fuck man, come get your GUN' and Scott burst into snotty tears?"And [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293907077#cmt2293907077|Meme obliges!]]+"[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293841285#cmt2293841285|I really want a fic from the third guy (I'll call him Charlie)]] reeling from the worst one night stand in his life. First this cop comes to fuck and he brings a *loaded gun,* then he just wanders off after sucking on his fingers like a creep, then this entirely new weirdo comes to assault him for not gently putting the gun back in Scott's pocket or something. Maybe Charlie called! Maybe he called multiple times, but the only time Scott ever picked up, Charlie made the mistake of going, 'hey what the fuck man, come get your GUN' and Scott burst into snotty tears?"And [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293907077#cmt2293907077|Meme obliges!]]
  
 > HE PROTEC > HE PROTEC
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 "[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/395050.html?thread=2326926122#cmt2326926122|Is that a gun in your pocket]] or are you just happy to <b>(BANG)</b> OH GOD GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL" "[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/395050.html?thread=2326926122#cmt2326926122|Is that a gun in your pocket]] or are you just happy to <b>(BANG)</b> OH GOD GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL"
  
-He's such a horny dumb slut that //[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/391819.html?thread=2305118859#cmt2305118859|"clearly we can’t have conversations while dildos are within my eyesight."]]// And Ryan has to stop talking about dildos while Scott is driving.+He's such a horny dumb slut that *[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/391819.html?thread=2305118859#cmt2305118859|"clearly we can’t have conversations while dildos are within my eyesight."]]* And Ryan has to stop talking about dildos while Scott is driving.
  
 > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293624197#cmt2293624197|"You know my brain has the IQ of a bowl of pudding]] when I’m in subspace. I didn’t have any other thoughts in my head except that I wanted to wrap those chains around my neck. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be able to breathe or that I could hurt myself.” > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293624197#cmt2293624197|"You know my brain has the IQ of a bowl of pudding]] when I’m in subspace. I didn’t have any other thoughts in my head except that I wanted to wrap those chains around my neck. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be able to breathe or that I could hurt myself.”
  
-Nonny 1: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293643909#cmt2293643909|"I feel like getting away from this cop in a chase could be easy."]] Nonny 2: "You could just throw sex toys and handcuffs behind you like caltrops." (Which led to nonnies channeling //Teahouse// characters.)+Nonny 1: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293643909#cmt2293643909|"I feel like getting away from this cop in a chase could be easy."]] Nonny 2: "You could just throw sex toys and handcuffs behind you like caltrops." (Which led to nonnies channeling *Teahouse* characters.)
  
 When Scott swore off sex he got so messed up he was a jerk to all his co-workers and refused to read a suspect their rights! When Scott swore off sex he got so messed up he was a jerk to all his co-workers and refused to read a suspect their rights!
  
-> [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351674988#cmt2351674988|“Really?!]] When were you planning on letting him do that? After another two hours? A week later? A year later? You know the rules and you know why they exist! If he wants a lawyer, he gets his phone call. End of story.”+> *[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351674988#cmt2351674988|“Really?!]] When were you planning on letting him do that? After another two hours? A week later? A year later? You know the rules and you know why they exist! If he wants a lawyer, he gets his phone call. End of story.”
 > >
 >Scott feels like shit. The whole experience had been surreal and he’d felt like he was standing outside of his body, watching himself making a mess. He’d let his temper control the entire interrogation and it had started out giving him good results. But once the guy had asked to call his lawyer, Scott’s temper had kept right on going and he’d gone along for the ride. He hasn’t let his temper get away from him like that in years and it’s never been this bad, even during his worst years. Ryan had been yelling at him through his ear piece, but Scott had reached up and taken it out. Eventually Ryan had come in and put a stop to the disaster. >Scott feels like shit. The whole experience had been surreal and he’d felt like he was standing outside of his body, watching himself making a mess. He’d let his temper control the entire interrogation and it had started out giving him good results. But once the guy had asked to call his lawyer, Scott’s temper had kept right on going and he’d gone along for the ride. He hasn’t let his temper get away from him like that in years and it’s never been this bad, even during his worst years. Ryan had been yelling at him through his ear piece, but Scott had reached up and taken it out. Eventually Ryan had come in and put a stop to the disaster.
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 > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/396706.html?thread=2336901538#cmt2336901538|“I noticed after a while,]] I wasn’t getting turned on anymore. Even if I tried masturbating, nothing would happen. But I still really liked watched the porn. For some reason, I felt like the people in the videos were there in the house with me and it was so nice watching them making each other feel good. I started having these really weird thoughts. I remember I was convinced that the porn people were using my bed, so I had to stay in the armchair I was sitting in. I wasn’t upset by that, I was happy that they were in my house with me. I’m sorry—I know that makes no sense." > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/396706.html?thread=2336901538#cmt2336901538|“I noticed after a while,]] I wasn’t getting turned on anymore. Even if I tried masturbating, nothing would happen. But I still really liked watched the porn. For some reason, I felt like the people in the videos were there in the house with me and it was so nice watching them making each other feel good. I started having these really weird thoughts. I remember I was convinced that the porn people were using my bed, so I had to stay in the armchair I was sitting in. I wasn’t upset by that, I was happy that they were in my house with me. I’m sorry—I know that makes no sense."
  
-Nonny 1: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/396706.html?thread=2336909986#cmt2336909986|"This honestly sounds like something from a Murakami novel."]] Nonny 2: "Murakami's //Hard-Boiled Dumb Slut and the End of the World//."+Nonny 1: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/396706.html?thread=2336909986#cmt2336909986|"This honestly sounds like something from a Murakami novel."]] Nonny 2: "Murakami's //Italic Text//Hard-Boiled Dumb Slut and the End of the World//Italic Text//."
  
 Scott can't figure out what a fucking machine is. [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351821420#cmt2351821420|"OK, I'm up to the part]] where Ryan gets the fucking machine out of storage and is like, "Guess what this is, Scotty!" and Scott's just...oh my god. The amount of time he takes puzzling over what this piece of equipment might possibly be for. He's literally holding a dildo that he's figured out screws onto ~something~ when this part happens: Scott can't figure out what a fucking machine is. [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351821420#cmt2351821420|"OK, I'm up to the part]] where Ryan gets the fucking machine out of storage and is like, "Guess what this is, Scotty!" and Scott's just...oh my god. The amount of time he takes puzzling over what this piece of equipment might possibly be for. He's literally holding a dildo that he's figured out screws onto ~something~ when this part happens:
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 > Frowning, Scott glances at Ryan. But Ryan’s not giving anything away, just quirking an eyebrow at him. “Come on, Detective Jenkins. Put that brain to use.” > Frowning, Scott glances at Ryan. But Ryan’s not giving anything away, just quirking an eyebrow at him. “Come on, Detective Jenkins. Put that brain to use.”
  
-“He can't, Ryan! You know goddamn well he can't! He's a dumb sex baby!"+"He can't, Ryan! You know goddamn well he can't! He's a dumb sex baby!"
  
-Same nonny: //[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351822188#cmt2351822188|Ryan watches Scott, thrusting his cock into him and wondering what Scott’s doing. Letting Scott take his hand, he stays quiet as Scott turns Ryan’s wrist over. Unfortunately, it’s his left hand and his wrist is bare// [of a tattoo]. //Scott tenses up and lets out a choked cry, sounding devastated.// THIS IS HOW DUMB HE IS"+Same nonny: *[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351822188#cmt2351822188|Ryan watches Scott, thrusting his cock into him and wondering what Scott’s doing. Letting Scott take his hand, he stays quiet as Scott turns Ryan’s wrist over. Unfortunately, it’s his left hand and his wrist is bare* [of a tattoo]. *Scott tenses up and lets out a choked cry, sounding devastated.* THIS IS HOW DUMB HE IS"
  
 Or what a BDSM playroom is. Or what a BDSM playroom is.
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 > Scott shrugs. “Sometimes. Other times, they’d just throw me out when we were done, so I’d sit in the hallway and suck on my own fingers until my brain started working again. So that’s another option you have.” > Scott shrugs. “Sometimes. Other times, they’d just throw me out when we were done, so I’d sit in the hallway and suck on my own fingers until my brain started working again. So that’s another option you have.”
  
-Nonny 1: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293593477#cmt2293593477|"Imagine walking into your apartment after a long day at work]], and there, sitting in front of your roommate's door, is a man in a disheveled cop uniform with his dick out, aggressively sucking on his own fingers while just saying fucking //nothing// to you."+Nonny 1: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293593477#cmt2293593477|"Imagine walking into your apartment after a long day at work]], and there, sitting in front of your roommate's door, is a man in a disheveled cop uniform with his dick out, aggressively sucking on his own fingers while just saying fucking *nothing* to you."
  
-Nonny 2: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293596293#cmt2293596293|"//Sarazanmai// (2019)"]]+Nonny 2: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293596293#cmt2293596293|"*Sarazanmai* (2019)"]]
  
 Nonny 3: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293664133#cmt2293664133|"And that man... was Captain America."]] Nonny 3: [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293664133#cmt2293664133|"And that man... was Captain America."]]
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 >  But Dobby shouted, 'You shall not fuck Harry Potter!' >  But Dobby shouted, 'You shall not fuck Harry Potter!'
  
-Back to the //un//intentionally hilarious fic:+Back to the *un*intentionally hilarious fic:
  
 >  [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293746053#cmt2293746053|Shifting in his chair,]] he notices his ass is really damn sore and his desk chair isn’t very comfortable. Well, good. He deserves the discomfort. He also deserves to lose his job, his friends and everything else good in his life. That’s what he gets for being a dumb slut. >  [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293746053#cmt2293746053|Shifting in his chair,]] he notices his ass is really damn sore and his desk chair isn’t very comfortable. Well, good. He deserves the discomfort. He also deserves to lose his job, his friends and everything else good in his life. That’s what he gets for being a dumb slut.
  
-[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293858437#cmt2293858437|"I'm not entirely sure it's possible]] that Scott //could// be good at work. He seems like he needs a job where all he has to do is play with crayons." +[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293858437#cmt2293858437|"I'm not entirely sure it's possible]] that Scott *could* be good at work. He seems like he needs a job where all he has to do is play with crayons." 
  
 [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293859973#cmt2293859973|"I don't think he'd even be good at that.]] He would suck on the crayons, or stick them up his butt." [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/390021.html?thread=2293859973#cmt2293859973|"I don't think he'd even be good at that.]] He would suck on the crayons, or stick them up his butt."
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 > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/394109.html?thread=2320453757#cmt2320453757|Ryan tries to shift enough for his cock to slide out fully]], but Scott suddenly goes rigid against him and lets out a fearful sob. > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/394109.html?thread=2320453757#cmt2320453757|Ryan tries to shift enough for his cock to slide out fully]], but Scott suddenly goes rigid against him and lets out a fearful sob.
 >  > 
-> “Please—please don’t take—please—please don’t—...I thought you changed your mind and you were gonna take your cum back because you changed your mind and thought I didn’t deserve it."+> “Please—please don’t take—please—please don’t—...I thought you changed your mind and you were gonna take your cum back because you changed your mind and thought I didn’t deserve it."*
  
 "I was thinking it hadn't been as funny lately, and then this happened and I need a hospital… I THOUGHT YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND AND WERE GONNA TAKE YOUR CUM BACK "I was thinking it hadn't been as funny lately, and then this happened and I need a hospital… I THOUGHT YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND AND WERE GONNA TAKE YOUR CUM BACK
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 When a nonny asked [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351768172#cmt2351768172|"….how….??"]], replies included "Officer Dumb Slut II: Fear of Felching" When a nonny asked [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351768172#cmt2351768172|"….how….??"]], replies included "Officer Dumb Slut II: Fear of Felching"
  
-> [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351772012#cmt2351772012|"I realized I really liked it when people came on me or in me.]] I noticed I got really turned on by it, but it was more than that. The way my aunt and her family had just turned on me and cut me out, that really hurt. And when people were willing to share their cum with me, it felt like they were giving me a part of themselves. That they thought I worth getting it. They wouldn’t just keep it for themselves in a condom."+> [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351772012#cmt2351772012|"I realized I really liked it when people came on me or in me.]] I noticed I got really turned on by it, but it was more than that. The way my aunt and her family had just turned on me and cut me out, that really hurt. And when people were willing to share their cum with me, it felt like they were giving me a part of themselves. That they thought I worth getting it. They wouldn’t just keep it for themselves in a condom."*
  
 [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351773548#cmt2351773548|"Is this crab nebula Bertie Wooster?"]] [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/398700.html?thread=2351773548#cmt2351773548|"Is this crab nebula Bertie Wooster?"]]
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 > He's psychologic'ly disturbed! > He's psychologic'ly disturbed!
  
-…and one of a song from //Crazy Ex Girlfriend//…+…and one of a song from *Crazy Ex Girlfriend*…
  
 > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/405917.html?thread=2397863325#cmt2397863325|Well Scotty, you've done it now...]] > [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/405917.html?thread=2397863325#cmt2397863325|Well Scotty, you've done it now...]]
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 [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/405917.html?thread=2397630109#cmt2397630109|"Some joyless fucks]] got super douchey and self righteous and started hassling the author over it. How anyone could straight-facedly clutch their pearls over the story of the world’s worst cop and his buttplug friends without immediately melting and slithering down a drain in shame over what a stuffed shirt it makes you sound like is beyond me, but it takes all kinds to make a world. [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/405917.html?thread=2397630109#cmt2397630109|"Some joyless fucks]] got super douchey and self righteous and started hassling the author over it. How anyone could straight-facedly clutch their pearls over the story of the world’s worst cop and his buttplug friends without immediately melting and slithering down a drain in shame over what a stuffed shirt it makes you sound like is beyond me, but it takes all kinds to make a world.
  
-[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2352786099#cmt235|"I feel stupid being mad about this because it’s Officer Dumb Slut]]—I’m just //not// going to get in a comments fight on such a silly fic—but this person in the comments is demanding that the fic should have a Rape/Non-Con tag because //'So... because Scott was ultimately fine with it, it doesn't matter that Ryan sexually assaulted him?… Ryan has now sexually assaulted Scott twice, regardless of whether Scott knows that.'// This definition of sexual assault, that you can declare an adult was raped regardless of how they feel about what happened or whether they consider what happened to be rape, really pisses me off. I guess this is normal for antis--I have seen a few comments like this on fics before."+[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2352786099#cmt235|"I feel stupid being mad about this because it’s Officer Dumb Slut]]—I’m just *not* going to get in a comments fight on such a silly fic—but this person in the comments is demanding that the fic should have a Rape/Non-Con tag because *'So... because Scott was ultimately fine with it, it doesn't matter that Ryan sexually assaulted him?… Ryan has now sexually assaulted Scott twice, regardless of whether Scott knows that.'* This definition of sexual assault, that you can declare an adult was raped regardless of how they feel about what happened or whether they consider what happened to be rape, really pisses me off. I guess this is normal for antis--I have seen a few comments like this on fics before."
  
 After some nonny [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2352880307#cmt2352880307|lectured]] everyone on how people's concept of the law informs their fiction…. After some nonny [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2352880307#cmt2352880307|lectured]] everyone on how people's concept of the law informs their fiction….
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 It turned out that the AO3 troll was a nonny, who [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2353089459#cmt2353089459|"[kept] talking about this on meme discord."]] The Discord convos are shared [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2353138099#cmt2353138099|here]] and [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2353154227#cmt2353154227|here]]. It turned out that the AO3 troll was a nonny, who [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2353089459#cmt2353089459|"[kept] talking about this on meme discord."]] The Discord convos are shared [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2353138099#cmt2353138099|here]] and [[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2353154227#cmt2353154227|here]].
  
-"[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2353329843#cmt2353329843|LEAVE OFFICER DUMB SLUT ALONE!]] //brandishes cornstarch-filled dildo protectively//"+"[[https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/399027.html?thread=2353329843#cmt2353329843|LEAVE OFFICER DUMB SLUT ALONE!]] *brandishes cornstarch-filled dildo protectively*"
  
 ===== The moral of the story is... ===== ===== The moral of the story is... =====
officer-dumb-slut.1630631495.txt.gz · Last modified: 2021/09/03 01:11 by RedDeliciousApples

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