Kudos Wank

\\ "Kudos: like Satan in a way"

It began on February 5, 2013 at 2:22 a.m. UTC in the f_fa post “Hero Squirrel of Gor,” when a nonny linked to a now-deleted AO3 story by “Ice” for which the author's note said:

You know what? I am currently in too much fucking pain and under too much fucking stress to give a flying fuck about social conduct.

I had one simple wish — no kudos.

I keep on asking that on every fic and every fucking time on every fucking one of them, there’s a person who just… what? Can’t help themselves? Well done. Thanks for reminding me, over and over again, that I must, indeed, not post my stuff and hope for a simple fucking courtesy to respect my fucking wishes.

The fic was followed by a shorter endnote threatening to lock down her work if people don't respect her fucking wishes.

Seven minutes after the OP on f_fa, Ice had seven kudos. Seven minutes later, she had a total of 13. And nonnies, and possibly other people, kept adding and adding and adding and adding and adding them, sometimes logging out to leave a guest kudos or dumping cookies to leave additional ones.

By 6:01 am UTC, Ice had 70 kudos and 663 hits. By the time she locked down her work and reposted it with comments deleted, she had garnered a total of 77 kudos.

At 05:42 pm UTC the same day, same post, a nonny asked the mods about what this nonny called “piledrives,” which they meant to be a cross between dogpiling and trolling the wank. Immediate responses were incredulous, but before long another nonny (we presume) replied, “I think the more this happens, the more this place will be seen as being filled with a group of bullies who love nothing more than encouraging each other to go after people.” This nonny was told to “please get your smelling salts,” and the in-house wank was ON.

One Gentlefailer tried to explain that leaving kudos for Ice was “certainly not any more obnoxious than the A/N itself,” that Ice ordering people not to leave her kudos was tempting “basic human nature,” and that there was certainly no coordinated campaign to give her unwanted kudos. There commenced argument over whether disrespecting Ice's authoritay was indeed “basic human nature.” Another nonny insisted, “Every single one of those Kudos was a deliberate 'Fuck you to your feelings' to the author. We came into her space to do it. We trolled her.”

While the anti-kudos faction did have a good point about the nonny who left a comment of "Kudos, bitch" (who may or may not have been the same nonny here), the wank before long began to devolve on the anti side into overwrought comparisons, SJW-style Godwinning, and Milgram Experiment Godwinning.

On the pro- side (and on the plus side), we got noirfic.

I've been around the block a few times. Seen some things I wish I hadn't. It's a rough world out there, and you can try to protect yourself, but ultimately, the trash wins. It always does.

I poured myself a drink and wondered how it got to this. The city was my home for these last few years, but the meme? That was where I lived. I thrived there, finding ponies and fungus and strangest of all, friends.

But it couldn't last. The group of anonymous types, the gentle failers who'd shared with me their wisdom, their wit, and their porn? Weren't so gentle. They tore themselves apart every hour, on the hour and I was okay with that. More than okay. I spilt enough wank across the keyboard to know how these things go.

But being less than nice to a jerk on the internet? That was the final straw.

I wedged a stick up my ass, the largest I could find. But it didn't help ease the pain. Nothing would.

Ultimately, Ur-Sunny said that the mods really couldn't give a shit about this matter. This didn't stop someone from trying to bring the wank into the next post, or from whining about it on Fandom Secrets.

On February 18, Ice put up an AO3 post that has since been locked down but which was screencapped, comparing herself to someone who opens a restaurant that feeds patrons for free and gets nothing but ingratitude in return. She got a huge number of scornful comments, a few of which are reproduced below:

So. Imagine that I'm a raccoon and you're a pinball machine and we're in the woods and a disco breaks out. Who pays the light bill? Who, I ask you, who?

…comparing your fiction to recipes – preset formulas that most people can follow to arrive at a predictable result – is an A+ metaphor, well done.

This restaurant only serves a whole lotta whine.

sorry about your dishpan hands

I peed on your tablecloth. Don't worry, the stain should come out.

WE SHALL NOT BE CODDLED, KNEEL AS IS YOUR NATURAL STATE, FLOUNCER

There was also this hilarious comment, as well as Loki restaurant fic. And, of course, several people merely replying, “Kudos.”

(Thanks to luxken27 on Tumblr for the caps.)

There were further discussions on f_fa, wank_report, avengers_anon, and lol_meme.

Finally, inspired by all this: “which character in your fandom would be most likely to flounce because people did not ~appreciate~ them enough, and how would they dramatically do it?”

ETA: This wank later inspired a filk called "John Henry, the Pile-Drivin' Man."