FFA Wiki

This page is read only. You can view the source, but not change it. Ask your administrator if you think this is wrong.
====== BDSM Con Wank ======

{{ :bdsm-collar-leather-slave-collars-for-women.jpg?400|spiky BDSM slave collar}}

On May 10, 2013, a nonny [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262775729#t262775729|started a thread]] titled "You're at the wrong convention/hotel!", all about a friend who had accidentally booked a stay in the LA hotel that was hosting DomCon that weekend. Nonny was very uncomfortable with their friend's kink-shaming and asked, //"How much can a hotel control what guests might say in public spaces, as long as they aren't violating rules of the con/public decency?"//

[[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262779313#t262779313|Another nonny]] replied, //"[P]ractitioners never seem to care when they non-consensually expose other people to their sex lives."// Various people replied to this to say that this violates BDSM community etiquette.

Shortly thereafter, [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262818737#t262818737|collar wank began]], with pro-kink nonnies explaining that //"being collared is a lot like getting married"// and //"it's a sign of devotion and love,"// and Anti-BDSM Nonny replying, //"I guess wearing a wedding ring like normal people do would be too much to ask."// When told to stop arguing in bad faith, they said,

//"There's already a 'We're committed to each other for life' symbol. There doesn't need to be a 'We're committed to each other for life and also I like to order my partner around like a dog' symbol."//

([[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262948017#t262948017|One reply way downthread]]: //"Nice value judgement on people who don't want to or aren't capable of getting married. I suppose we're just not ~normal enough."//)

The long and fractious discussion covered a variety of issues:

  * How collars are commonly perceived in society
  * How common collars are outside the BDSM scene
  * What wedding rings do and do not say about one's sex life (with some amusing snark in [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262855601#t262855601|this thread]])
  * The existence of [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262945969#t262945969|other //"systems of symbolic meaning"//]] in which bystanders don't consent to participate, such as [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262896049#t262896049|the wearing of crosses]].
  * [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262946993#t262946993|Whether or not "domestication" covers "ownership"]]
  * [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262967217#t262967217|Homophobia vs. "kinkphobia"]]
  * [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262904753#t262904753|Children on leashes]]
  * [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262911921#t262911921|Symbols vs. behavior in the context of bystander consent]]
  * [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263032753#t263032753|"Taking one's husband's name in marriage" wank]]
  * [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262972849#t262972849|WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN???]]
  * The long history of [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262914225#t262914225|chokers, collars and chains as jewelry]]
  * [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262854321#t262854321|BDSM leash wank]]

Anti-BDSM Nonny was [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262851761#t262851761|called a troll]]. Subsequently, [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262864305#t262864305|a comment was left]] by [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262892465#t262892465|someone claiming to be an NA]] that ended with, //"Collars are for animals, not for human relationships."//

When one pro-collar nonny [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263048113#t263048113|re-emphasized that D/s relationships are not all about sex]], Anti-BDSM Nonny [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263049905#t263049905|replied]], //"You're right. It's totally okay to non-consensually broadcast to everyone that you're in a relationship where one partner treats the other like garbage, because that treatment might actually be non-sexual."// Shortly afterward [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263052721#t263052721|a call for mods]] went up.

Anti-BDSM Nonny or Nonnies continued to be That Much of An Asshole:

  * [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262890673#t262890673|Comparing public collar wearing]] to a stranger sitting beside them in a hotel lobby and telling them about organizing //"dwarf-fetish meetups"//
  * [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262938545#t262938545|Comparing public collar wearing]] to fetishists publicly wearing fursuits and "adult baby" diapers while discussing and acting out their kinks.
  * //"[[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263047857#t263047857|I'd also rather not know]] that people like being treated as sub-human and/or treating others as sub-human even if sex isn't involved."// [Thread frozen.]
  * //"[[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262898609#t262898609|BDSM is not a 'value.']] It's a choice people make, and wearing a collar in public, which is a near universal symbol for ownership of an animal, is fucking skeevy. Yep, even when those punk/goth kids do it to go clubbing. It's gross, and damn right I'm going to judge people for doing it."// [Thread frozen after someone replied with, //"Okay, fuck you."//]
  * //"[[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262921649#t262921649|Kink isn't sacred.]] From my point of view, BDSM is wrong, and people who get off on it suck for doing it."//
  * //"[[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263014321#t263014321|Yes, you're right,]] dressing without regard for society's gender norms is exactly the same thing as wearing shit that reduces you to the status of an animal."//
  * //"[[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263052209#t263052209|I guess it's fortunate that subs exist,]] to keep doms from treating non-consenting people like that."//

There were a few thoughtful comments from pro-kink nonnies. [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263018673#t263018673|One wrote]]:

//"My guess is that many of the people in this thread are not arguing about the sex part at all even if they say they are. I think a lot of this actually IS about the everyday aspect of BDSM. I think the gut reactions to things like ownership and slavery goes so deep that it is hard to disregard the anger even if it is consensual ownership. I also think people often associates submissives with women which make it worse because then people unconsciously mix it up with the society’s general attitude towards women."//

One nonny who wears an eternity collar [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262848689#t262848689|stated,]] "This isn't my sex life, it's my //life// period."

There was also a lot of snark aimed at Anti-BDSM Nonny. When one person [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263046833#t263046833|complained]], //"God damn, you are so close to the edge of getting it and yet not, that it is painful to witness,"// another [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263050417#t263050417|replied]], //"With you on 'painful to witness' -- wait, shit, does that mean they're involving me in a BDSM dynamic!?"//

[[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263017137#t263017137|More snark:]] //"Maybe their brain automatically replaces 'wearing a collar' with 'dressing full pony and pulling your dom to the wedding in a horse cart' and maybe even waiting outside grazing while they attend the human celebration."//

Anti-BDSM Nonny was [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263048881#t263048881|also told]]: //"It's a really, really wonderful thing that you're not into this stuff because you would be the worst, most damaging person to have a bdsm type relationship with, wow."//

When [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262885553#t262885553|it was observed]] that Anti-BDSM Nonny seems to know nothing about either submission or dogs, a likely [[grumpy-sutcliff-nonnies|GSN]] [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262990513#t262990513|chimed in]]: //"When [Rosemary Sutcliff] writes about things like 'the proud submission of a hound', I really don't think her intended meaning is 'pitiably servile' rather than 'admirably loyal'…"//

Finally, when Anti-BDSM Nonny [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263025329#t263025329|asked]], //"So if I start ordering someone else's dog to go fetch my slippers, that's okay?"//, [[original-male-dog|Original Male Dog]] made [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=263059889#t263059889|an appearance]]: //"Go fetch them yourself. I don't want any part of your creepy foot fetish. Do you have any idea what those things// smell //like? Ick ick ick.//"

The wank even [[http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/56497.html?thread=262932913#t262932913|spilled over into]] a discussion of topping and bottoming downthread. That part of the discussion was frozen.

(Note: This was not the same wank as [[kink-shaming-wank|Kink-Shaming Wank]].)



{{tag>todo wank wank:ffa-wank wank:quasi-sj-wank}}
FFA Wiki

User Tools

Site Tools

Page Tools
