The Butt Sestina

January 15, 2015: A nonny asked meme whether they know of any “dudes who write non-cringey femslash.” Very first reply: “Men can't write it. Having never experienced what a female/female relationship is like.”

After a few comments about the sincerity of that remark (or lack thereof), one nonny said, “I figured since it'll be a disaster either way if anyone bites I'd try assuming someone wasn't a troll and get my OEA cookie. It kind of tasted like tears of frustration with a hint of naivete and an aftertaste of needing a stiff drink. I don't know how earnest nonnies manage it.”

One of said earnest nonnies replied, “There are SO MANY responses will get this thread shitcanned SO FAST. I simply can't decide which one I want to go with.” Ur-Sunny encouraged them: “Take your time and use your chance wisely, nonnie! Meme scores on style points, not speed. I suggest sestinas. Blank verse is fine too, but sestinas are better.”

Ur-Sunny probably didn't expect an actual sestina.

If the comment was earnest,

then let’s talk about butts

without mentioning too much fluid.

Women writing slash!

(“No wank about gender,”

proclaims the mod.

Sestinas get the mod

hot and bothered, in earnest.)

What does the fairer gender

truly know about butts?

They have them, but slash

butts are different. More fluid.

Yet the lubricant gets too fluid!

Oh my mod,

you don’t need gallons of lube in slash.

To be quite earnest,

you don’t need gallons of lube for butts

of any gender.

This may engender

controversy, and the matter is rather fluid,

but we love talking about butts.

Whether one is a nonny, nonnie, or mod,

whether an Erna or an Ernest,

we’ll never stop wanking about slash.

Or wanking to slash;

I personally like all my erotica same-gender.

Now, I’ll be honestly earnest.

I may be a ciswoman, not at all genderfluid,

but so help me mod,

I know about butts.

Girl butts and boy butts,

any butt I want to slash.

(Don’t move this to the personal post, mod!)

I can portray another gender

just fine in fluid

prose and earnest

Depictions of butts. Any gender

can write slash, with all the thrusting and fluid.

…fuck, I hope the mod wanted a sestina in earnest.