Springs1

Springs1 has thoughts about how she should be treated in a restaurant. These thoughts are incredibly verbose, but they can basically be summed up as: “Read her mind to determine what she wants, then do that exactly.” If a server does not do this, then he or she is clearly a lazy or stupid employee who is only in serving for the money and isn't taking their job as seriously as it deserves.

Springs1 has notably complained that a server has:

• Served a crying child instead of her.
• Failed to memorize the complete menu, including prices and exactly which sides and condiments come with every single dish.
• Refilled her drink, or bringing her bread and water, without asking her first.
• Served her food that isn't up to her standards, instead of telling the kitchen to do it over again.
• Come back to the table to ask for clarification.

Springs1 is also known for ordering very large quantities of ranch dressing and putting it on everything she eats. To wit:

• "Why don't you start going to better restaurants where all of the food is made in the kitchen and you don't need tons of condiments to hide the icky flavor of the crappy frozen food?"
• "You don't seem to get that I eat ranch at FINE DINING. You don't get that I ordered tartar sauce for fries at a fine dining restaurant even."
• "With bread, I ask for ranch to dip it in. That's at fine dining restaurants as well as any others."
• "In other words, it's not the food that is icky, it's the fact that I like ranch that much that I need it on a lot of my food to like ANY food."

Her blogs are odd, in that she seems to only make one or two posts per blog and then start a new one, instead of having one blog with all of her criticisms of restaurant servers. Fortunately, she generally only writes the same thing each time, so one blog is really all that's needed.

Eventually, meme learned about a ranch-dressing themed restaurant. Nonnies wondered if Springs would show up and complain about the service, as she does everywhere else she goes.

Links:

• One of her posts
• Her list of blogs
• SlickDeals.net: She shows up to complain about people criticizing her on Slickdeals.
• TheNest.com: She explains why she's such a stingy tipper: Turns out, almost any problem at a restaurant is the server's fault
• sf_drama (she shows up to call everyone idiots)
• stupid_free (she shows up to call everyone idiots)
• badgerandblade, a shaving forum (why?)

Appearances on FFA:

• Sep. 29, 2011: Trolling as performance art; Or how I admire Springs1
• Dec. 12, 2011: Springs1 continues to bring the batshit
• Apr. 8, 2012: ATTENTION SPRINGS1
• Feb. 3, 2013: Granted access to this wiki, Springs1 baawwwleeted her own page. She was instantly banned and the page resurrected. She then showed up in the FFA thread and proceeded to cover the entire thing in ranch dressing spooge. Mods were at first tolerant of her (except when she started to bring the racism), but the thread was eventually frozen in its entirety.
• Jun. 7, 2013: Inspired by the “Amy's Baking Company” fiasco then taking the internet by storm, an enterprising Gentlefailer (after announcing it on FFA) posted the following RPF to AO3: "My Review of Amy's Baking Company by Springs1."
• Sep. 5, 2013: As a result of a nonnie's comment about their condiment %%**%%*OTP%%**%%%%**%%*, Springs1 ranch dressing was honored with a mod icon.
• Nov. 10, 2014: “I was just minding my own business reading a Lifehacker article when, to my delight, what should I find in the comments but springs1 doing her thing? Check out the replies. Day made.”
• Apr. 21, 2015: Nonnies noticed when Springs1 went to reddit to whine about a server who brought out the wrong sides. Well, 'whine' is a bit of an understatement. She said, among other things, “You NEVER NOT check the food. That's YOUR JOB!! I would have stiffed you too. You didn't ******CARE******************************, SO WTF SHOULD THEY CARE ABOUT YOU? ” Nonnies were unimpressed by her arguments. (Note: the reddit posts are now deleted.)